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An Original Comedy Screenplay By John H. Leeper ** Note - Terms used in spec scripts:
PART 2. INT. APARTMENT FOYER - NIGHT Linnie peeks through the peep hole into the hallway. From the look on her face it is obvious that she sees no one. Then the voice comes again and, startled by it, she cuts her head sharply to the right and stares down the long apartment corridor that leads to the bathroom and her bedroom.
STRANGE VOICE (V.O.) It is coming from the bathroom down the hall. She moves down the hallway cautiously. (NOTE: She carries Beside Bob in her right hand.) INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY - NIGHT Lennie stealthily approaches the closed bathroom door in the hallway and pushes it open slowly. INT. APARTMENT BATHROOM - NIGHT Lennie's face appears through a small opening in the bathroom door. Immediately, she is horror stricken. INSERT: BROWN-AND-WHITE RAT It is the brown-and-white rat from her childhood and the warehouse. It sits atop the water closet. BACK TO SCENE She SCREAMS and slams the bathroom door shut. INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY - NIGHT Panic stricken, Linnie stands beside the bathroom door, shaking in terror, on the verge of hyperventilating. (NOTE: She accidentally drops Bedside Bob on the floor in front of the doorway.)
LINNIE A look of inspiration. She darts away from the bathroom door. INT. APARTMENT BATHROOM - NIGHT
The bathroom door bursts open, and Linnie enters with a pair of cats in her hands and three other felines at her feet. The brown-and-white rat closes its eyes and the stone in its collar glows again. One of the cats in Linnie's hands lays its ears back and hisses. There are loud yowls and hisses from all the cats. They are obviously terrified. The two in Linnie's hands struggle violently for freedom, and she has to drop them. The cats scurry from the bathroom, leaving Linnie alone with the rat. Wild-eyed with fear, she SQUEALS and dashes out of the bathroom slamming the door shut behind her. INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY - NIGHT Linnie trembles violently as though stricken with a case of the DTs. She leans against the wall beside the bathroom door and slides down it until she is sitting on the floor. Such is the depth of her terror for rats. Suddenly, she hears a voice from inside the bathroom. It has a distinctive IRISH lilt.
IRISH RAT (O.S.) Linnie is startled. She cocks her head to one side and listens through the door. There is another voice with a strong ENGLISH accent to it.
BROWN-AND-WHITE RAT (O.S.)
IRISH RAT (O.S.) Linnie doesn't know what to make of this.
BROWN-AND-WHITE RAT (O.S.) Baffled and terrified, Linnie's eyes fall on a laundry marker sitting atop a nearby hall table. She snatches it up, grabs Bedside Bob from the floor and hastily draws a pair of eyes and a line for a mouth on the limp dildo's bulbous head. It bears a remarkable resemblance to a snake. Tossing the marker aside, Linnie reaches for the handle above her head and cracks the door open. She shoves Bedside Bob through the opening, wiggles it violently, then quickly withdraws it and slams the door shut again.
BROWN-AND-WHITE RAT (O.S.)
IRISH RAT (O.S.)
BROWN-AND-WHITE RAT (O.S.) Linnie cracks the door once again and thrusts Bedside Bob inside. Once more, she shakes the thing vigorously and then snatches it away and closes the door.
IRISH RAT (O.S.)
BROWN-AND-WHITE RAT (O.S.) Linny thrusts Bedside Bob through the door a third time and both voices, in unison, SQUEAL in alarm. She yanks the dildo out again and closes the door.
IRISH RAT (O.S.) There is a short silence.
BROWN-AND-WHITE RAT (O.S.) Linnie holds her breath in the hallway as she listens for any other sounds. She cracks the door and gives them another shot of Bedside Bob, but, this time, there is no reaction. She swings the door open wider and peeks inside. INSERT: WATER CLOSET The back of the water closet is empty. The rats are gone. BACK TO SCENE Linnie settles back heavily against the wall and shuts her eyes. This ordeal has left her exhausted. INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM - DAY Linnie is lying face down on the bed, fast asleep. She looks disheveled. A fleck of foam coats one corner of her mouth. There is a loud SNAP! Linnie awakens in a flash. She pushes herself up with one arm and with the other thrusts Bedside Bob into midair, shaking it like some magic talisman to ward off evil. Maria is framed in the doorway to the bedroom. There is a look of utter disbelief painted across her face. MARIA'S POV Linnie is lying in bed shaking Bedside Bob in Maria's direction. All of her cats are huddled around her, and the floor about the bed is littered with rattraps. Maria's has triggered one by accident. BACK TO SCENE
MARIA A look of recognition eventually crosses Linnie's face.
LINNIE The plastic Red Sox baseball cap is lying on a bedside table. Linnie tosses it onto the floor near Maria's feet, and there is an EXPLOSION of rattraps going off in rapid succession. Linnie hops out of bed and runs to her friend, throwing her arms around Maria. She is like a frightened child awakened from a horrid nightmare, seeking comfort from a parent.
LINNIE Linnie, wild-eyed, babbles at breakneck speed while clinging to Maria and waving Bedside Bob like a symphony wand.
LINNIE Maria backs away with Linnie attached to her like a leech. INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM - DAY
MARIA
LINNIE
MARIA
LINNIE Blind rage gathers in Maria's face.
MARIA
LINNIE Linnie snaps her head around and draws her face to within inches of Maria's. She grabs Maria's coat lapel fiercely. Linnie has the look of a delirious fanatic.
LINNIE Linnie raises the limp dildo to Maria's cheek.
LINNIE Tears of pity well up in Maria's eyes as she stares into Linnie's wide, wild eyes.
MARIA
LINNIE There is a loud snap and a YOWL of pain from a cat O.S. Linnie jerks her head around and stuffs Bedside Bob into Maria's hand.
LINNIE Linnie darts away from Maria in pursuit of an injured cat. Maria staggers backwards to the edge of the sofa, dazed and sickened. She glances over and spots the card for Bedside Bob lying on the seat. She picks it up, unfolds it and her eyes grow wide as she looks first at the picture and then the limp dildo in her hand. Open-mouthed, she stares towards Linnie O.S.
MARIA Linnie returns cradling a gray cat in her arms, stroking one of its paws and cooing to it gently. Maria pitches the dildo and card onto the sofa, pulls the cat out of Linnie's arms and strongarms her towards the front door.
MARIA Linnie doesn't appear to comprehend a single word being said.
LINNIE Maria GROANS. INT. PSYCHOLOGIST'S OFFICE - DAY Linnie sits with five other people in a room devoid of windows. The group is composed of DR. KEYES, a psychologist, seated directly across from her, three women and a businessman.
DR. KEYES He motions to a decidedly overweight woman who sits to Linnie's immediate left.
MARY The businessman is next in the circle. He sits to Keyes' right. Everything about his demeanor is surly.
MARTIN Dr. Keyes cautions Martin with a raised hand.
DR. KEYES
MARTIN
DR. KEYES Next is a soft-spoken woman who is the stereotype of the hand-wringing, middle-aged housewife.
LINDA The woman to Linnie's immediate right is a dark-haired beauty named JOAN. She has the jaded look of an upper-class urbanite whose life revolves around such sessions.
JOAN
MARTIN
JOAN The psychologist moves quickly to control the situation before it gets out of hand.
DR. KEYES Martin gives the doctor a surly look, but keeps his mouth shut. There is an uneasy silence as Dr. Keyes picks up a clipboard in his lap and examines it.
DR. KEYES All eyes turn towards Linnie. Smiles all around from the women.
LINNIE
DR. KEYES Linnie fidgets in her chair, obviously uneasy.
LINNIE I don't think my problem is quite the same as everybody else's. Joan, to Linnie's immediate right, leans over and gives her an reassuring smile.
JOAN Linnie looks straight into Joan's eyes. She is poker-faced.
LINNIE There is a stunned silence in the room. Joan appears to be frozen in her chair, staring at Linnie with unblinking eyes. Finally, Martin pipes up in his typically crude fashion.
MARTIN
DR. KEYES Martin raises his arms in an incredulous gesture. The three women nervously readjust themselves in their chairs. Dr. Keyes studies his clipboard again, eyeing some scribbled notes carefully.
DR. KEYES
LINNIE
DR. KEYES
LINNIE
DR. KEYES
LINNIE
DR. KEYES
LINNIE
DR. KEYES
LINNIE Dr. Keyes flips a page on his clipboard and muses over something written there.
DR. KEYES Linda, the nervous housewife, draws quick breath in horror and puts her hand to her neck. Mary, the overeater, reaches over and places a comforting hand on Linnie's arm.
MARY
LINNIE
DR. KEYES
LINNIE Linnie becomes very uneasy. All eyes are focused on her.
DR. KEYES
LINNIE
DR. KEYES
LINNIE
DR. KEYES
LINNIE
DR. KEYES
LINNIE The psychologist knits his brow quizzically.
DR. KEYES Linnie hasn't thought about this before. It stops her cold, and she gropes unsuccessfully for some kind of an answer.
MARTIN The other women explode.
JOAN
LINDA
MARTIN
JOAN
MARTIN
DR. KEYES
LINNIE
MARTIN
DR. KEYES
LINNIE
MARTIN
LINNIE Martin's face becomes flushed with rage.
MARTIN
DR. KEYES
LINNIE Martin's springs to his feet. As soon as he does, there is a loud electrical BUZZ, and the lights flicker out just as he begins to take a step in Linnie's direction. The windowless room instantly becomes pitch black. A short silence. Then, a woman SCREAMS, and there is the sound of a LOUD, VICIOUS SLAP! Another brief silence. The lights flicker back on again. Martin is back in his chair cradling his left cheek with his palm. Mary, the overeater, is busily readjusting her blouse. She is red-faced with embarrassment and anger. Linnie looks at Mary and gives her a coy smile. She then crosses her legs in elegant fashion, turns her head in the other direction and gives the same look to Joan. Joan and Mary stare at her, shocked. Another loud buzz. Again the lights go out.
DR. KEYES The lights flicker on again. Joan and Mary have moved their chairs away from Linnie and are huddled closer to Linda and Martin. The other four members of the group stare at Linnie as though she is a leper. INT. POLICE SQUAD ROOM - LINNIE'S DESK - DAY Linnie sits alone at her desk typing a report on the computer. All around her, officers move through the squad room, but she pays no attention to them. Maria enters the squad room, approaches Linnie and leans forward, keeping her voice low so no one can overhear them.
MARIA
LINNIE
MARIA
LINNIE Maria leans even closer to Linnie, glancing nervously about at other officers nearby. She speaks in a furtive whisper.
MARIA Stung, Linnie turns away in a huff and resumes her typing. It is obvious that she would like to change the subject, but Maria won't leave without an update.
LINNIE Maria nods in silent agreement. It makes sense to her.
LINNIE
MARIA
LINNIE At that instant, a young, UNIFORMED MALE OFFICER strides by and glances at Linnie curiously.
LINNIE The officer walks away and Linnie calls after him nervously.
LINNIE Linnie covers her face with her hands in embarrassment.
LINNIE
MARIA
LINNIE Maria starts to respond but thinks better of it.
MARIA
LINNIE
MARIA
LINNIE
MARIA
MARIA (CONT'D)
LINNIE
MARIA
LINNIE Maria stands and places a comforting hand on her friend's shoulder.
MARIA Maria exits, and Linnie wearily resumes her task of typing police reports. INT - SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY It is the hallway of St. Catherine's School for Girls. Linnie and a YOUNG NUN appear from around a corner.
YOUNG NUN
LINNIE
YOUNG NUN Linnie is obviously impressed.
LINNIE The young nun stops in the middle of the hall and looks at Linnie curiously.
YOUNG NUN
LINNIE (shaking head)
YOUNG NUN
LINNIE The young nun suddenly looks worried.
YOUNG NUN
LINNIE The nun knits her brow. Finally, the joke dawns and she laughs suddenly, weirdly. Then, she stops abruptly and becomes quite serious.
YOUNG NUN Linnie's eyes widen with self doubt.
LINNIE The nun ignores Linnie's protests and steps smartly to a nearby classroom door. CUT TO: INT - CLASSROOM - DAY The young nun enters the classroom followed tentatively by Linnie. There are NINE YOUNG GIRLS seated at desks. All are dressed in school uniforms and all are sitting perfectly still with their backs straight and their eyes fixed on the chalkboard at the front of the classroom. THE CAMERA PANS to a medium shot of Linnie. To her, this looks like a scene from the Twilight Zone.
LINNIE The young nun claps her hands and holds them together as though in prayer.
YOUNG NUN The girls' eyes turn suspiciously in Linnie's direction, but their heads remain still. The nun looks meek and demure, but beneath that surface appearance beats the heart of a true believer. As she gives her introduction, her voice gradually rises in intensity and volume until it reaches a crescendo of religious zeal.
YOUNG NUN Linnie's eyes grow wide as she listens to the nun's rantings. As though a switch has been thrown, the nun suddenly resumes her demure manner.
YOUNG NUN The nun flips a queer smile in Linnie's direction and quickly exits the room. Linnie is frozen in place. Her head follows the nun as she leaves and then tracks back to the girls in their desks. She opens her mouth to say something and then falls speechless. Finally, she gets up the nerve to say:
LINNIE
HISPANIC GIRL
LINNIE
BLACK GIRL Linnie is caught off guard.
LINNIE
BRUNETTE Linnie is stung by the "old" remark. She starts to make a retort but thinks better of it. The Blonde girl screws her face into a look of absolute disgust.
BLONDE
BLACK GIRL
BRUNETTE Linnie, startled by this, begins to ask a question, but the Black Girl interrupts her.
BLACK GIRL Linnie cuts her eyes sharply towards the Black Girl. She really wants to change the subject.
LINNIE
BLONDE
LINNIE A BLACK-HAIRED GIRL acquires a look of wide-eyed amazement.
BLACK-HAIRED GIRL
BLACK GIRL
BLONDE
BRUNETTE The blonde and brunette giggle with glee and high five each other. The Hispanic girl sneers at the Blonde.
HISPANIC GIRL
BLONDE
HISPANIC GIRL And the Hispanic girl sticks her tongue out quickly at the Blonde.
LINNIE
BLONDE
HISPANIC GIRL
BLACK GIRL
BLONDE
BLACK GIRL
BLONDE The other girls around her nod in agreement.
BRUNETTE
BLACK GIRL
BLONDE
HISPANIC GIRL
BLONDE There are gasps from the other girls.
BRUNETTE
BLONDE
BRUNETTE The Black-haired girl, who has been diligently doing arithmetic with the help of a calculator, suddenly looks up and appears irritated.
BLACK-HAIRED GIRL Linnie does some quick figuring on her fingers and stares at the girl in amazement.
BRUNETTE More gasps, mixed with oohs and ahhs of disapproval from the girls. Linnie looks at the girl in disbelief. The Black-Haired girl leans forward in her chair and looks straight at Linnie.
BLACK-HAIRED GIRL Linnie's expression says the thought may have crossed her mind on more than one occasion. The Brunette closes her eyes, slipping into the world of imagination.
BRUNETTE
BLACK GIRL
HISPANIC GIRL
BLACK-HAIRED GIRL There is another chorus of assent all around followed by a pause in the discussion. Linnie, by now, is leaning forward, absorbed by the conversation. She grows impatient with the delay.
LINNIE To prove the teen mind is incapable of concentrating on one subject for any appreciable length of time, the Blonde abruptly asks Linnie:
BLONDE The question jars Linnie, causing her to flinch. She looks at the Blonde dumbfounded.
HISPANIC GIRL
BLACK GIRL The Black Girl rolls her eyes ecstatically. At that instant there is a rap on the classroom door and the girls instantly snap back to their original rigid positions: straight in their desks, eyes on the blackboard, ANGELIC EXPRESSIONS painted on their faces.
CUT TO: CLOSEUP: FACE OF YOUNG NUN The young nun peeks her head through a crack in the door. She looks at the class and Linnie, and then gives Linnie an quirky grin.
YOUNG NUN Linnie looks towards the door as though she has just jarred awake from a dream.
LINNIE Flushed, she tugs at the collar of her blouse.
LINNIE INT. LINNIE'S APARTMENT FOYER - NIGHT Linnie steps inside the foyer to her apartment, drops her keys on the table and punches the play button on the answering machine.
MECHANICAL VOICE (V.O.) Linnie leans her back heavily against the foyer wall and sinks into a pool of despair. She unclips her holster from the belt and drops the pistol unceremoniously atop the table.
LINNIE I should not be allowed to carry She suddenly becomes aware that her cats did not greet her.
LINNIE She walks towards the living room searching for her pets. INT - APARTMENT LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Linnie enters the living room of her apartment and spots one of the cats sitting on a table beside a window. He appears to be staring at something outdoors through a partially opened curtain. The animal is as still as a granite statue.
LINNIE She approaches and gently reaches for the cat. When she touches him, he falls over on his side, stiff as a board. He appears to be a lifelike product of a taxidermist. Linnie draws back with a GASP. She looks around the apartment. SERIES OF SHOTS A) Another cat is standing frozen on the counter. His back is arched. His ears are laid back. He appears to have been caught in mid-hiss. B) A third cat was playing with the cables of a window blind. His sits on his haunches with his front paws extended into mid air. C) A fourth lies on the sofa, staring with unblinking eyes. Linnie, shocked and terrified, backs away from her apparently lifeless animals as though she thinks they might spring at her. She moves hastily towards the front door. -- END PART TWO -- |
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