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An Original Comedy Screenplay By John H. Leeper ** Note - Terms used in spec scripts:
PART 4. INT. LINNIE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT The interior of Linnie's apartment foyer. From the opposite side of the door to there is an awful racket as someone struggles with the lock from the opposite side. The door swings open and Linnie stumbles in with the bird cage cradled in one arm and a grocery sack full of video tapes in the other. She has her keys in her left hand; but when she tries to put them on the lobby table, she misses and they fall to the floor. Linnie bends down and tries to retrieve them only to spill a couple of video tapes from the grocery bag. She stumbles drunkenly to her right and lands heavily against the wall. Linnie sighs deeply and stands there with her legs apart for balance, catching her breath. Linnie puffs hard and decides to set the bag of video tapes on the lobby table only to miss it again and have the tapes crash to the floor and scatter.
LINNIE She throws the cover back from the bird cage and looks at the five rats inside.
LINNIE She heads down the hallway only to stagger and slam the cage heavily against the wall. From inside the cage the rats protest loudly. SIMULTANEOUS DIALOGUE:
CEDRIC
CONNAUGHT
ARGYLL BACK TO SCENE
CEDRIC
MALCOLM
CONNOR (O.S.) Linnie recovers her balance and makes it down the hall to the bedroom. INT. LINNIE'S APARTMENT BEDROOM - NIGHT Linnie staggers into the bedroom and deposits the bird cage atop a chest of drawers unceremoniously. She tosses the cover aside, unlocks the cage door and spreads her arms wide apart - a female version of St. Francis of Assisi.
LINNIE She places her purse on the chest beside the cage and yanks out the vodka bottle. She leans drunkenly on the chest with an elbow as Cedric crawls out of the cage.
LINNIE
CEDRIC Linnie downs the last drops of vodka from the bottle. She uses her index finger and rubs Cedric's chest fur softly.
LINNIE Linnie stand up and spins around in the center of the room.
LINNIE Inside the bird cage Malcolm, the wizard rodent, is SHAKING, MUTTERING and GROANING. Argyll looks through the open door of the cage.
ARGYLL
MALCOLM
ARGYLL Malcolm exhales loudly. Linnie, still looking into the distance, lost in a sordid little fantasy, suddenly acquires a glazed expression. She drops the empty bottle onto the floor at her feet and falls face first onto the bed, her body as stiff as a board. She is out cold the instant Malcolm's spell is gone. INT. LINNIE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT Linnie lies on her back in bed, sound asleep. She wears her street clothes, but has drug a thin coverlet over her body. Something stirs her back to life, and she opens her eyes wearily. Her face shows that she is disoriented. Linnie looks down her torso and, under the coverlet, between her thighs, there is a little hump, bouncing up and down furiously. Linnie's eyes grow wide with terror. She SCREAMS loudly, and scrambles out from under the coverlet. She is still wearing her PANTS. Linnie tumbles off the side of the bed and hits the floor with a loud THUMP. On the bedside tabletop Cedric, Connor and Malcolm appear.
CEDRIC From underneath the coverlet, Argyll, the Scottish rat, crawls into the open.
MALCOLM
ARGYLL
CEDRIC Linnie is lying face down on the floor. She GROANS and is out cold again INT. LINNIE'S BEDROOM - DAY Linnie wakes up, still face down on the floor beside the bed. As soon as she sits up, the hangover hits her, as do the aches and pains of sleeping on a hard floor overnight. She MOANS pathetically and grabs her head. Disoriented, she looks around and shakes her head wearily.
LINNIE It is with the greatest of effort that Linnie climbs to her feet, using the bed and wall for support. From the look on her face and her constant MOANS, she is suffering badly. Linnie stumbles towards the kitchen. INT. LINNIE'S KITCHEN - DAY Linnie enters the kitchen and heads straight for the refrigerator. She doesn't even notice the FIVE RATS ON THE COUNTERTOP who watch her quietly. Linnie pulls cubes of ice from the freezer and applies them to her forehead. She walks past the rats again, reaches into a cupboard filled with medicines and fishes through assorted bottles until she finds the Pepto Bismol. She shakes it vigorously, removes the cap and starts to chug it down. As she turns in the direction of the rats, Malcolm speaks.
MALCOLM Linnie spews a cloud of antacid into the air and out her nose. She backs up to the wall and stares at the rats in wide-eyed horror. Her mouth is coated in pink liquid.
LINNIE
CEDRIC Linnie advances nervously, reaches a hand out and pokes Cedric lightly in the belly with the tip of her index finger. She then snaps her arm back in fear.
LINNIE Linnie wheels to the sink behind her, drops her face deep into the well and barfs loudly, several times.
CEDRIC Linnie looks back at the five rats pathetically, turns on the faucet and splashes water on her face. Suddenly, she remembers the night before and her face twists into an angry scowl.
LINNIE The rats glance nervously at one another.
CEDRIC Linnie eyes them suspiciously, but turns away to splash more water on her face. Cedric, Malcolm, Connor and Connaught glare at Argyll. INT. LINNIE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY Linnie, disheveled and sick, sits in front of a coffee table where assorted kitchen herbs, bottles of condiments and a jug of brandy is sitting. She pinches and pours them, one by one, into a glass. Malcolm and Cedric are on the coffee table nearby.
MALCOLM Linnie picks up first Tabasco and then the jug of brandy and pours them into the glass.
MALCOLM
LINNIE
MALCOLM
LINNIE
MALCOLM Linnie looks at him unconvinced.
CEDRIC
LINNIE
MALCOLM Linnie is so desperate to feel better she reluctantly reaches for Malcolm and pulls a pinch of hair from his side. With her nose curled in disgust, she flicks the hairs into the glass. Malcolm stands on his hind legs and the amber stone around his neck glows and there is more humming. The contents of the glass begin to bubble, steam and foam.
CEDRIC Linnie hesitates, put off by the bubbling, dark brew.
CEDRIC
LINNIE Linnie picks up the glass and down it. Then, she shakes her head in disgust and starts SPITTING rat hairs from between her teeth and rubbing her tongue with her sleeve. Suddenly, her expression changes from revulsion to amazement. She has been cured!
LINNIE Linnie stands up quickly and sits down again, twice in rapid succession, trying to see if it makes her dizzy. Nothing happens. She stares with awe at the glass in her hand.
LINNIE
CEDRIC
LINNIE
MALCOLM Another memory surfaces in Linnie's brain, and she suddenly scowls angrily.
LINNIE Argyll, watching from a nearby countertop, instantly scurries to safety behind some flower pots. INT. BOSTON P. D. VICE SQUAD ROOM - DAY Linnie sits in front of her computer in the vice squad room transfixed by what is on the monitor. Beside her on the desktop is the bird cage, covered with its cloth drape. Maria approaches and sits on the edge of Linnie's desk, eyeing the cage curiously.
MARIA
LINNIE Maria absent mindedly lifts the cover on the bird cage to look inside. When she sees the five rats she hops away from the desk in startled surprise.
MARIA Maria stares in shock at the bird cage while Linnie continues her computer search, oblivious to her friend.
MARIA
LINNIE Linnie returns to her preoccupation with the computer.
MARIA
LINNIE
MARIA Linnie turns and gives Maria the resolute look of a seasoned investigator hot on the trail of a crime.
LINNIE INT. BOSTON P. D. TECH OFFICE - DAY Linnie enters the technology office of a cohort at Boston P.D., a computer geek called ROOSTER. He has spiked hair like a rooster's comb, dyed red, and a goatee.
LINNIE Rooster has been leaning back with his feet against the table's edge, sucking on a tootsie pop. He grins broadly at Linnie, places his hands into his armpits and flaps his arms as though they were a bird's wings.
ROOSTER Rooster grabs a CD and pops it into his computer. He taps the mouse and pictures of people entering and exiting the Reiser Towers entrance race by at high speed. The day images turn to night and the entrance appears deserted until a man dressed in janitorial clothes comes out of the building. He is joined by a much shorter fellow whose back is to the camera. Rooster freezes the frame and zooms in on the face of the janitor. It is the serial rapist, Frank Mann.
LINNIE
ROOSTER
LINNIE Linnie draws close to the screen and looks anxiously at the image. The little man in the picture has a hand extended in mid-air in the direction of the rapist's face, fingers spread.
LINNIE
ROOSTER Rooster places the pointer over a blurred area on the screen. He drags across it and zooms in for a closer look. It is obviously the reflection of someone's face in the glass at the entrance to Reiser Towers. The image begins to clear gradually. It is the face of Thaddeus, A-K-A Julius, Reiser.
LINNIE
ROOSTER
LINNIE INT. STAIRCASE - TENEMENT APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY Linnie is in the filthy hallway of a run down apartment building. She climbs a flight of stairs holding the bird cage in her hand and stops before a doorway at the top. She knocks on the door, TWICE. Momentarily, there is sound of latches being opened and a young, attractive BLACK GIRL opens the doors and eyes Linnie with deep suspicion.
LINNIE
BLACK GIRL Linnie fishes into a pocket for her badge and flips it out.
BLACK GIRL
LINNIE The girl looks indecisive, then gives in, opens the door. INT. TENEMENT APARTMENT - DAY The apartment is cluttered and dingy. The black girl leads Linnie through the cramped hall to a bedroom door. The door opens into a small bedroom where Tanya Curtis is lying in her bra and panties. Her midsection is swathed in BANDAGES. Tanya has been napping. She starts, and looks up quickly as her roommate and Linnie enter.
BLACK GIRL Linnie sets the covered cage on the bed and sits beside it.
TANYA CURTIS
LINNIE
TANYA CURTIS
LINNIE
TANYA CURTIS
LINNIE Instantly, the black girl and Tanya come to attention. Linnie struck a nerve.
TANYA CURTIS
LINNIE Tanya shakes her head in fear. There is a loud SQUEAK, and Linnie looks at the covered bird cage. She appears to talk to herself.
LINNIE Linnie throws the coverlet back revealing the five rats inside the bird cage.
BLACK GIRL
LINNIE Linnie opens the cage door, reaches in and pulls out Malcolm.
LINNIE The black girl jumps up and heads for the door. Suddenly, the DOOR SLAMS SHUT by itself! Wide-eyed with fear, the two girls freeze, turn their heads slowly, and stare at Linnie. The chair the black girl was sitting in SLIDES ACROSS THE FLOOR in her direction with no one touching it.
LINNIE
TANYA CURTIS Linnie absent mindedly rubs Malcolm's head.
LINNIE
TANYA CURTIS Linnie raises Malcolm to her face and softly kisses his head.
LINNIE INSERT: VASE There is a vase filled with ARTIFICIAL FLOWERS sitting on the bedside table. It begins to vibrate and rattle. Suddenly, it EXPLODES into a hundred pieces. BACK TO SCENE Tanya and her black roommate YELP in fear. Linnie calmly stares at Malcolm and strokes his fur gently.
LINNIE The two terrified women stare open mouthed at one another. INT. A BOSTON PUB - THE BAR - NIGHT Linnie sits alone at the end of the bar in a Boston pub. The uncovered cage is sitting on the counter beside her with the five rats inside. A male BARTENDER walks up and gives the rats a startled look.
LINNIE There is a chorus of squeaks from the rats.
LINNIE
BARTENDER
LINNIE The bartender hesitates, but yields to Linnie's air of authority. He moves down the bar and searches a cooler for beers, glancing towards Linnie who is carrying on what appears to be a one-way conversation with the rats.
LINNIE From the wide-eyed stare of the bartender, he is really starting to get nervous about this situation.
LINNIE The bartender returns with two bottled beers and a pair of glasses.
LINNIE The bartender looks under the counter and produces a clean glass ashtray. He puts it on the counter and pours the dark ale into it.
BARTENDER
LINNIE The bartender raises his hands and backs away. Linnie opens the cage and sticks the ashtray full of beer inside it.
LINNIE The rats readily take to the beer. The bartender stands close by keeping a sharp eye on Linnie. Linnie pours her own beer, looks up and notices him.
LINNIE Reluctantly, the man backs away, convinced Linnie is nuts. Linnie shakes her head in disgust.
LINNIE Cedric looks up from the ashtray of beer.
CEDRIC
LINNIE
CEDRIC Linnie stops for a second to ponder that possibility.
LINNIE INT. HALL OF RECORDS - DAY A FEMALE CLERK leads Linnie into an enormous room where ancient Deed Book Indexes are stored in metal shelves. The female clerk checks the alphabetical listings atop the vertical stacks, pulls out a huge book and places it atop a nearby table.
FEMALE CLERK The female clerk turns to exit.
FEMALE CLERK
LINNIE Linnie flips page after page and runs her fingers down the entries. She pulls a slip of paper from her pocket and cross references it with the index notations. Cedric's head pops out of Linnie's coat pocket.
CEDRIC Linnie doesn't answer, running her hand through ledger entries until she stops suddenly.
LINNIE She turns more pages hurriedly and then stops again.
LINNIE
LINNIE Cedric crawls half way out of Linnie's pocket and speaks to her excitedly.
CEDRIC Linnie closes the index book slowly.
LINNIE -- END PART FOUR -- |
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